Reflections Before My Next Birthday

I am turning __ in a couple of weeks. Actually its 20 days away. I am secretly wishing it away. I do not want it to happen.

It's really not a big deal. It's just a number. But I need to get there and get past it.

I look very good for my Earth years. I am in shape, good hair, but the wrinkles are coming through. My eyes. Don't get me started. Ugh.

I haven't accomplished everything I set out to do so I am moving things in that direction. I had no idea that having children would take up that part of my time. Now that things are in a good routine I am confident I will be able to complete everything I need to in 3 years.

I remember my mother's 40th birthday party. My father pretended he was sick and mom took us out for dinner. When we returned to the house it was filled with our family. I remember Monica, my cousin, in her baby pj's and lots of noise. There was cake and coffee. It was fun. I don't want anything on my birthday.

I hate surprises. I burst out crying. My students in 5th grade learned that in 2004 when my room mom had a surprise party in my classroom. She was stunned. I burst out crying. My students were so upset. They didn't like to see me sad! I really don't care for surprises.

So when my birthday rolls around I will disappear for the day. I have taken off from work and will probably sit in a restaurant with WIFI and work anyway.

I might buy myself a present but then I might not. There is only one thing I really want. That I truly desire.

I have a few friends who have had their birthday's before me and survived. I have faith that I will get past this numerical point in my life.