"I Don't Want Your Brand of Crazy"

Dedicated to Joseph.

When I was on speaking terms with my cousin Joseph we would text throughout the day just talking.

What exactly does this mean? "I don't want your brand of crazy." I was having a very busy, hectic week as a mother, teacher, and human being. We all have these busy times.

I don't always handle my stress well and I will be honest, this was definitely one of those weeks. Too many things sitting on my shoulders.

When I did not communicate with Joseph the way he thought I should be, I became irratic and tense at a programming project that was not going well and I had to stop tlaking with him for a while so I could reestablish a balance, he sent me a text basically cutting off all communication. "I don't want your brand of crazy."

Man that hurts. To think that someone (other than Fred) who knows me incredibly well would have the anger within them to say such hateful, hurtful words it beyond me. It was said about a month ago and still sits with me today. It's funny. He expects the world to revolve around him and his problems. He only communicated in a narcicistic way. Everything was happening to him, everyone was against him, and he was going to have to live his life knowing that he is the only sane person in a world of lunatics (Me included).

When he was going through his divorce from Elizabeth I was there to help talk with him. He openly admitted no one in his family would talk with him to any length. He likes to talk and talk. He needs that communication, the catharsis.

I was also trying to help by setting him up on blind dates to get him out and social again. Unfortunately, my girlfriends were never to his taste. You see he likes them young (he is 45), incredibly slim, and drop dead gorgeous. I know girls like that, but they are far too shallow and mostly married. So much for a nice girl.

So in the end I am left thinking about how these words have hurt me and that he is alone without a friend, wife, or life.

It's a shame with all that we have been through as a group of friends that understanding and compassion does not occur to him. He is in a "self preservation mode" I am certain. From my observances, people who go through a life change such as divorce have a "second childhood" of sorts. He begins a new chapter in his life.

We all must choose a path to follow. I wish him luck.

This was my catharsis. Breathe in and breathe out.