A Life Without You...Is No Life.

Last night I slept on the couch in the living room. No, Fred and I are not fighting. It's just Sagan has begun a pattern of waking up in the middle of the night screaming to get out of her crib. This is one small setback of having the girls share a room. Ellie, who sleeps in a coma-like state, does get woken up by these "SCREECHES" of anger when I do not get her out of her crib fast enough.

So in chapter 6 of the Zanegood School For Better Babies handbook is to reestablish a pattern so that the baby will understand that the crib is where they will sleep and not in mommy/daddy's bed.

So Ellie slept with Daddy in our bedroom last night. She was overjoyed! Their door was essentially closed and I was snug on the living room couch.

At 10:30PM the first screams came. I went in. She was standing up. I pushed PLAY on the CD player and much to her dismay, placed Sagan back down. I rubbed her back (mind you the octaves have gotten higher at this point) for a minute and then left the room. The screams continued for about 2 more minutes.

At 2:30AM the second set of screams came. This is a typical time for her. Running from the couch to the baby's room I found her standing up red faced and angry at the world. Again, I walked in and pressed play on the CD player. I set her back on her tummy (screams louder and louder) and rubbed her back for a minute. Within 2 minutes she was back to sleep.

I forsee us doing this for 2 more nights. She needs to know that this patterns will not get her out of the bed. In the future. I will not scoop Sagan from her crib but instead scoop Ellie from her bed and place her in our bed. Sagan must know that this behavior is not going to get her into our bed.

Back to my orignial intent: A Life Without You... Is no life



Well, since last night I was on the couch I dreamt quite well. Something about sleeping on the couch gives me the most vivid dreams.

I dreamt of Ellie. Of how she is my sweet baby and how much I love her. She is the best little girl and that if I ever was without her I do not know how I would live.

You see, in my dream, I lost her. It was heart wrenching to think that I would be so careless and not have her hand or tell her to hold my pocket. She was gone in a flash and I was left standing looking wildly around for her. I didn't know what to do other than SCREAM and SCREAM. I woke up then. I did not think I just woke up. Too distressing to think that I would lose her in any scenario.

Mind you the screaming in my head was actually Sagan screaming to come out of her crib this morning at 6:45AM.

I always tell Ellie. A life without you...(she completes this line) is no life.

I wanted to be a mother so badly. I wanted a family so very much.

Ellie makes my heart beat strong and gives me so much joy. She is quite divine.

She is the best part of me.